A rare office visit from my editor (you can jimmy those rehab locks with a gum wrapper) resulted in a request to look at Hundra, the 1983 Italian-American-Spanish fantasy swashbuckler from director Matt Cimber. Apparently, a new Blu-ray transfer is coming from Dark Force Entertainment, and if I know my editor, he’s probably into them for 5 large. Hence the review.
By Paul Mavis
The plot, such as it is, is fairly simple. Built-like-a-brick-hovel-sh*thouse Hundra (Laurene Landon) sets off to hunt food for her all-female tribe, a tribe that refuses to bow to the inferior
pigs men—men who enslave women for menial work and for carnal pleasure in this brutal, medieval time (#MeTooOnYourMedievalAzz). Years of happiness away from men, though, has blunted the female tribe’s awareness of the cunning evil of the male race (as well as seriously impacting their general housekeeping skills), and they are thus woefully unprepared for a vicious assault from the sadistic men. Hundra returns to see the carnage that has resulted from this unprovoked attack: she is the only surviving member of the tribe. Her grieving is short-lived, though, because the warriors are still hiding in the woods, and they soon give chase.
Battling her attackers into retreat, Hundra seeks advice from Chrysula the Elder (Tamara), the wise leader of the tribe (who, somewhat confusingly, lives apart from the tribe). Chrysula implores Hundra to seek a man, temporarily, to bear a child and to continue the race of independent women (sure they don’t need us…). Hundra resists, loathing the idea of having a man enter her body (sing it, sister!), but ultimately accepts her destiny to continue the tribe’s lineage. She sets out for the Land of the Bull (heehee!), where the men are said to be….quite potent. During her journey, Hundra fights a maniac dwarf, and takes a nude ride in the ocean with her horse (Freud was right: sometimes a nude ride in the ocean on your horse is just a nude ride in the ocean on your horse). One evening, she spots a belching pig of a man whom she decides is good enough to impregnate her, but they wind up battling each other in spectacular (and hilarious) style, before she moves on to the Land of the Bull.
Once there, she battles the evil King Napatkin (John Ghaffari), who becomes obsessed with making the proud, man-hating Hundra bow down to the superiority of men. She also discovers Pateray the Healer (Ramiro Oliveros), a gentle man whom she finds distinctly attractive. Ordering him to make love to her (okay!), he refuses, and she goes to Cradema (Maria Casal), a court concubine and friend of Pateray, for a make-over to convince Pateray she’s worthwhile mating material. Finding pleasure—and perhaps an uneasy acknowledgment of shared feelings—with Pateray, Hundra becomes pregnant and hides away until the baby, a female, is born (good thing she’s female; Hundra’s tribe abandons their male offspring). But Napatkin learns of Hundra’s child, and kidnaps her to blackmail Hundra into submitting to his whole court. Will Hundra bow down to King Napatkin? Will she escape with her child? Will she learn to do the dishes and keep her checkbook balanced? Or will she stay with Pateray?
The genial, rollicking, comic book sword and sandals fantasy Hundra has generated a minor cult since its 1983 debut, no doubt due in no small part to its overtly feminist central character. Hundra, the statuesque blonde Amazon warrior who would rather kill a man than sleep with him resembles Conan the Barbarian more than Red Sonja, and that’s no coincidence. John Ghaffari, the producer, bought all the left-over costumes, props and some of the sets from the Dino De Laurentiis epic Conan the Barbarian, and brought exploitation director Matt Cimber (from something as good as The Witch Who Came from the Sea to something even better/worse like Butterfly) over to Spain to knock out a quick rip-off of the Arnold Schwarzenegger hit. But once Cimber looked over the script, he decided that the serious tone wouldn’t work, so he and co-writer John F. Goff set about to make a spoofy fantasy adventure featuring a gorgeous, blonde, man-hating super-warrior who was subservient to no one.
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In an interview with the director, Cimber once made the case that he basically invented the idea of a female action hero. Just for starters, Robert E. Howard might have had something to say about that, and as for the movies, just a few years prior to Hundra‘s release, Sigourney Weaver made quite a splash as a confident, kick-ass female warrior in Alien (you can find other prior examples in TV and movies, as well, including The Avengers‘ Mrs. Peel, Anne Francis’ Honey West, and even the grandmother of them all, The Perils of Pauline‘s silent star, Pearl White). So I don’t think Hundra stands out as some kind of milestone in feminist moviemaking.
Hundra certainly doesn’t shy away from putting its agenda out there, though, and there is a certain feeling of genre envelope-pushing in the early scenes when Hundra makes it clear she’s not going to submit to a man…ever. Even after mating with the handsome, kind Pateray, Hundra is not “tamed,” if you will, as most viewers would expect after decades of cliched stories that had the “right kind of man” breaking a high-spirited, independent woman. Right up to the end, Hundra stays true to its feminist ideals—although some of the male viewers out there might be right in there with Oedipus in feeling a little uncomfortable watching their sexy, desirable female warrior turned into a mother figure when she gives birth on camera.
Those feminist ideals lose some of their clout, though, when they’re mouthed by actress Laurene Landon. Physically, she’s perfect for the role of a female Conan. Tall, striking, athletically imposing (if not exactly graceful in her action scenes), as well as beautiful, Landon makes quite an impression on the audience when she’s swinging around that battle sword. And director Cimber, using quick, short, silent shots, manages to make Landon funny in some well-timed reaction shots. But this trick is useless when Landon actually has to stand there and deliver her lines. The minute she has to actually act, the results are frequently unintentionally hilarious. With her weak, tentative voice, and at best, uncertain delivery (“No man…will ever…penetrate my body,”), Landon can’t take Hundra to the next level where the character might have actually been memorable for more than just efficiently lopping off the villain’s heads.
Director Matt Cimber, who must have watched 1973’s The Three Musketeers several times before tackling Hundra, is quite adept at re-creating a Richard Lester-esque atmosphere during the vigorous, humorous action scenes. The opening massacre of Hundra’s tribe is really quite thrilling, with a sure, deliberate rhythm to the editing and a feeling of sustained mayhem to the visuals. Cimber has a keen eye for outdoor composition (which look marvelous here in 2.35 widescreen), and for keeping the action funny and light. Hundra’s disastrously misguided seduction scene is hilarious, with its Sergio Leone-flavored dubbing; the over-modulated grunts, groans, and various smashing fists work with the exaggerated slapstick to create a memorably comedic scene.
But once Cimber moves indoors, Hundra becomes somewhat Humdrum, with underlit, static set-ups, and more and more dialogue. Hundra‘s final battle is nowhere near as memorable as the movie’s first one, because Cimber decides to shoot the entire sequence in slow motion. Intercutting it with other business further slows down the sequence, making it seem more like a trial than an exhilarating end to Hundra’s exploits.
Still, compared to most of the other Conan knock-offs that populated the theatres and video racks of the early 1980s, Hundra is an agreeable effort in the sword and sandal genre. Certainly the most celebrated element of Hundra (besides Landon’s body) is Ennio Morricone’s Verdi-inspired score. It’s certainly thrilling (if a little overused throughout the movie), and lends a definite weight to the visuals and overall feel of the movie. The action is bloody, the lead character unconventional, and the direction nicely cognizant of its spoofy origins; all in all, Hundra is a welcome change of pace for this often misused genre.